Writing samples

Chapter 6: Your Dress and Accessories

Here comes what I think is every bride’s favorite part of wedding planning, dress shopping! It is so much fun to gather a few close friends or family members to try on beautiful gowns. And I know that the temptation to do this even before you’re engaged is very high but trust me when I tell you to wait. Also, don’t wait too long if you’re hesitant about picking a dress. From my own experience and time working in the bridal industry, there are a few things I can tell you right away that you need to let sink in. Some may disagree with these things, but I’m here to tell you the truth without the sugar coating.

Set a realistic budget. If you want a dress that has a lot of beading and lace or a lot of “bling,” you will likely need a budget that is at least $500. On the other hand, $500 is a reasonable budget for a simple dress with fewer layers of fabric and minimal detail (lace, beading, etc.) from a store like David’s Bridal. This initial cost does not include the price for alterations, so keep that in mind when you’re trying on dresses that are already over your budget. It’s good to note that The Knot has reported the average cost for a wedding gown to be about $1,600, not including any alterations or customizations. Give yourself a reasonable, realistic budget for your dress and alterations and you won’t be disappointed.

Start looking for your dress at least 10 months to a year ahead of time, especially if you’re shopping at boutique stores. Some dresses can be purchased off the rack, but most will need to be ordered in your size. For a store such as David’s Bridal, the minimum order time is typically four weeks but can take as long as six months. The dresses from boutique stores often take a minimum of two months to arrive but can take up to a year. You will also want to ensure there is enough time to get your alterations done, which is usually a four- to six-week process.

Do not order your dress a size down because you intend to lose weight. Not only is it often easier for the dress to be taken in if it happens to be too big, but it isn’t worth it to put that stress on yourself to lose weight before your wedding. And truly, you are beautiful as you are and don’t need to lose weight. I love you for you, your future spouse loves you for you, and you need to, too. If you’re a size 16, own it! There is no shame in those arbitrary numbers. It’s also important to note that dress sizes will run differently than your everyday clothing. When I got married, I was a size 10 in pants/jeans, but my dress was a 12 and still had to be let out at the hips. Don’t let that meaningless number make you feel any type of way.

Do not bring a party of 10 people when you try on dresses. I know you want to include your bridesmaids and your mom, sister, future mother-in-law, and your favorite cousins, but please limit the people you invite to two or three. You will thank me later. The more people you invite, the more opinions you will hear, and the more overwhelmed you will get when trying on those gorgeous gowns. You can facetime the people who aren’t with you when you have made your choice. You want to make this moment as calm and comfortable for you as possible and that simply isn’t possible if you invite your entire entourage with you when you go dress shopping. For your mental health, pick two or three people who have opinions you respect more than anyone else’s and invite them with you and no one else. If someone wants to get offended that you didn’t take them with you, that is on them and not something you need to worry about. I took my mother and my sister with me when I went dress shopping and it was a calm, quiet experience that made it extremely easy for me to pick my dress. I also didn’t get those magical butterflies (see below) when I tried on my dress, but I knew it was what I wanted.

When it comes to opinions on the dress, your opinion is the one that matters the most. I don’t care if your momma says the dress “just isn’t you,” or your cousin tells you that you shouldn’t wear a certain cut/fit for your body type. If you love the dress, feel confident in it, and can envision it for your wedding day, then that’s your dress. Other people might think they know what is best for you, but this is your choice, and your opinion supersedes all others. I know some people will tell me that they’re getting help from someone paying for the dress and need to take that into account, but if what you love is within the budget laid out by the person helping to pay for it, then their opinion on it still shouldn’t make a difference in your decision. Some people, whether you’re willing to admit it or not, don’t really want to see you happy, or they’re jealous of your happiness and will do their best to make you feel poorly about your decisions. These people would rather you wear an ugly or less flattering dress, so they don’t have to see you shine so brightly. Trust that you will know what you want and make sure your opinion is the deciding factor.

Not everyone gets that “magical” feeling that people on TV talk about. This is real life, not TV, so you may not get teary-eyed or any extreme emotions when you’re trying on dresses. Do not let that discourage you. When you’re trying on a dress, assess whether you feel comfortable and confident in it, whether you can see yourself walking down the aisle in it, and try to imagine your future spouse’s reaction when they first see you. The most important thing is that you feel like the most confident you in the dress and can see yourself getting married wearing it. I didn’t feel like Cinderella being made over by her fairy godmother when I tried on my dress, but I loved every detail of it and didn’t want to take it off. I loved how I looked in it, and I felt confident wearing the dress I purchased.

If you’re stuck between two (or more) dresses, imagine the building is on fire. Seriously. Imagine the building is on fire and the dresses you love are at opposite ends of the building, so you can only get one dress out of the burning structure safely. Which dress do you take? This scenario has helped so many brides decide when they seem to love two gowns. Many times, presenting this scenario helps the bride to recognize how they feel about the dresses they have selected. Rarely have I seen a bride who will not choose one dress over the other(s). This is also a good point to recognize that you need to take some time to consider your options and to wait on deciding. As long as you have given yourself enough time for the dresses to come in, you can afford to take a step back, for a day or two, to think about your options before making a purchase. You want to feel completely confident in your choice, so don’t feel pressured to purchase the dress the first time you try it on. If you keep going back to a specific dress after you’ve taken that step back, thought it over, and tried on others, then you know what your heart is telling you. Get it.

Don’t be afraid to shop around. If you’re trying on gowns at a boutique store that carries certain designers, get the style number of the dress you like, and call around to other stores to see if they carry the same designer. If they do, ask them how much it would cost to order the dress you have your eye on. I did this with the gown I loved and saved nearly $200 by purchasing from another boutique. This is merely a cost-saving measure for you. If you absolutely love the service you receive at the boutique where you try on your dress, purchase from them. Please note that chain stores such as David’s Bridal or USA Bridal will not have designers such as Maggie Sottero, Justin Alexander, Anna Campbell, or any couture line. Many of these designers are carried at local boutiques, but some lines require traveling to larger cities (Chicago, New York, etc.) to shop the dresses. If you end up traveling to a different city to shop for wedding gowns, plan to make a day of it. Be sure to book appointments ahead of time so you get the chance to try on different gowns. Some cities you may consider traveling to for your gown shopping include:

• Cincinnati, Ohio: The unique Reading Bridal District houses more than 44 wedding-related businesses, including 11 gown and formalwear boutiques, all within a 2-mile walking radius. Bridal gown shops include Blush Bridal, BoChic Bridal Boutique, Lace Bridal Couture, and Wendy’s Bridal Cincinnati.

• Chicago, Illinois: The North district is home to more than 10 bridal boutiques, including a Jenny Yoo location, BHLDN, Dimitra’s Bridal, and Ultimate Bride. Many of these shops provide a unique shopping experience that allows brides to relax and feel comfortable when trying on gowns.

• New York City, New York: Manhattan is home to more than 40 bridal boutiques, including the infamous Kleinfeld Bridal (as seen on TV). With the MTA, you can easily hop a subway train to your various appointments; however, I would recommend spreading out the appointments over a few days so as not to get overwhelmed.

• Atlanta, Georgia: ATL is home to several bridal salons, with many located in the Berkeley Park and Georgia Tech areas of the city. Atlanta is also home to one of 10 Winnie Couture locations in the world.

• Dallas, Texas: Just outside the Design District, Dallas is host to several bridal salons and boutiques, including Brilliant Bridal Dallas, Vivienne Atelier Bridal, and Lulu’s Bridal Boutique. The area is also home to several locations for alterations (Altered for the Altar, Margo West Bridal Alterations, etc.) that can give you a custom fit for your gown.

• Denver, Colorado: The Five Points area north of downtown Denver is home to many couture bridal shops. Here, you can find AG Bridal right next to a café and down the street from the historic Oxford Hotel, which is a popular wedding venue as well.

• Seattle, Washington: Within several blocks of Pier 55 and the famous Pike Place Market, you will find several wedding-related shops scattered throughout the area west of I-5 in Seattle. Shops here include Luly Yang, BHLDN, and Cicada, and there are several popular venues nearby as well.
  
  

If you do intend to travel to another city to shop for your dream wedding dress, remember that several states and cities have different sales tax rates, which can add a significant amount to the final cost of your gown. For instance, the sales tax in the state of Illinois is 6.25%, but within Chicago, the sales tax is 10.25%. If you’re purchasing a $1,000 gown in Chicago, the tax can increase the price to $1,102.50 in total. Many people forget about adding the cost of sales tax, so I’m here to remind you about it and to consider it in your gown budget. For comparison, Cincinnati’s sales tax rate is 7.8%, Denver has a sales tax of 8.81%, the tax rate in Dallas is 8.25%, Seattle’s is 10.25%, Atlanta’s is 8.9%, and New York City’s sales tax rate is 8.875%.

Your sales consultant will likely pull out all the accessories for you to try on with your gown. You’ll be put into a strapless bra, a slip, shoes, headpiece, and they may add a belt to your dress for a bit of customization. Do not feel pressured to buy it all right then and there. A slip can be purchased online for less than $30. You can find a veil that isn’t $200 for two layers of plain fabric. Your headpiece could be your “something borrowed” if you’re following that tradition. Additionally, stores like David’s Bridal will have most of these items in the store, so you can buy them and take them home the same day. This means you can wait to purchase these items later. You will, however, need many of these items before your first fitting for alterations, so plan to have them all at least eight weeks before your wedding date.

Pay for alterations on the dress. Do it. Hem your damn dress. Do not argue with me about how you can wear 5” heels to keep the dress from dragging the ground. You will take off those 5” heels after your introduction at the reception and then you’ll be tripping over that hem the entire night. Unless you’re a perfect height with the exact proportions for an off-the-rack dress (I’ve met no one who can say this in my years selling bridal gowns), you will need alterations for the dress to look its absolute best on you. I know that taking in the shoulders by an inch sounds like something you can live without, but if you invest in getting the dress altered to fit you perfectly, the payoff is that you won’t have to worry about anything falling out of place the entire night. And for the sake of all things good in this world, get a bustle for your train! The hanger strap is not meant for you to use to hold up the train of your dress all night. A good bustle should have a minimum of three points (buttons and loops or hooks used to gather the fabric), but the number of points used will vary based on the fabric, style of the dress, number of layers, and length of the train. Alterations are extremely important for your wedding, but too many brides are willing to skip this step because they aren’t aware of the need. Alterations are crucial to get the best fit in your gown, ensure you don’t trip over the hem all day/night, add any customizations, and make your dress perfect for you.  Listen to the expert doing your alterations and they will ensure you look your very best and most confident in your wedding gown.